2015. I'm not one for resolutions, and January is almost over, but there is one thing that I want to accomplish before this year ends.
this is me straight out of the shower. this is me without make-up, or coloured, enlarging contact lenses. this is me without layers and layers of vscocam filters, or lighting adjustments. this is me not messin with the angles or taking it from "my good side".
the last time I posted a pic of me without contacts and make-up was in secondary school. even then I refrained from taking pictures in school, sticking to posting pictures only when I go out during the weekends.
my confession is that I am perfectly okay leaving the house without make-up to pick up groceries or eat at a restaurant nearby. the thing that really triggers my insecurity is when I'm not wearing my coloured contact lenses.
I sound like a crazy person rn, dependent on two little pieces of magnifying plastic, but my biggest insecurity is probably my tiny ass irises.
which is not even something people take note of anyway, the size of a person's fucking irises, but mine are significantly smaller than everyone else's and it is only noticeable when you've put on enlarging contact lenses and then take them off. listen. you look x10 cuter with bigger irises. trust.
so coloured contacts has somehow become my biggest addiction. I literally cannot live without them. my confidence level is SO LOW when I'm not wearing them and I can't look anyone in the eye when I speak to them. I constantly find myself not speaking during conversations just because I didn't want to direct any attention to myself. I've tried to go back to normal contact lenses but there's just that nagging thought at the back of my mind that keeps telling me that everyone will notice when I'm not wearing coloured contacts and be like, "wait a minute...Tyn looks different today..."
I'm so addicted to coloured contacts that I wear them past the expiry date because my mum refused to get me a new pair from Singapore. I shouldn't even be wearing them at all after my contact lens infection situation, but it's just so. hard. to quit.
this whole post might sound slightly ridiculous, but it's just a personal struggle that I want to be able to overcome by the end of 2015. I think throwing away my contact lens is a first good step but the real issue is to be able to have the self confidence that I do when I have them on.
I don't even know. this is just so trivial to everyone else but it's actually a huge deal for me to be posting a picture of myself that I would never post in a million years, and it IS important to me because social media is important to me, so the content I put out I do put a lot of thought into, and I'm just so aware of likes, comments and followers so I'm still a little hesitant about whether or not I should post this.
guess I just want to be able to look back in a few years and be like, "ayyyy! you go gurl." but until then it's just going to be a lot of awkward averted eye contact between me and other people until I become the confident bad ass bitch I will eventually turn into.
that runs a sushi-shisha cafe and is a mother to a pygmy hedgehog and or a micro pig. hopefully.